Saturday, 19 January 2013

Dissociation from oneself

Something is broken
it has been since I have awoken
from the void of non-existence

I search for my own integrity
finding paradoxes and loopholes 
in the seams of my own reality

vibrating atoms emulate
the tremors which travel up my spine
one giant wave of doubt
ripping all the planted seeds out

i have no face!
this place…
it feels awry

i have become used to the awriness 
but still i cannot comprehend 
the way this space bends

around my head when I accelerate
or how fate
and chaos are impossible to differentiate

its funny how such a small thorn
can cause such a grand disturbance
such a grand… enlightenment
such a great reason to become forlorn

and what of this mind?
what of this knot of things
things which change and make me I

I change myself´s memories
and me, he sits in the void
never even aware of the
conniving happening between I´s ears

there is nothing to fear, my alter egos assure
"soak into this allure
this grand illusion 
this grand fallacy of perceptions and misperceptions
this spectacle of lights and sounds

of tastes and smells
of time and space
of truth and lies
of life and death

they feed me this garbage
whilst I´m asleep and whilst I'm not

the tragedy is in the blatant openness 
that this brainwashing happens
and yet I stay ignorant.

The tinkering occurring in my brain
has been occurring since before the occurrence of my brain
yet still…
yet still this awriness remains.

perhaps I was made wrong,
the jigsaw pieces,
the cogs of this magnificent delusion
were not put together right.

And so I pry at the hinges of my consciousness
something I am not meant to do
a manifestation of faulty manufacture
I lose myself in this neurochemical brew

I find comfort only in this:
this insanity allows for insight
into sanity, on an operating table under bright light,
and in this shocking contrast
irony bellows laughter in my soul

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